ab shanti hai

शांत सी थीं वो
शांत हि थीं
न माथे पर शिकन न शंका ज़रा सी
शंका हो भी कहाँ अब यहाँ
वो बी अब उनके साथ जा चुकी है
सालों सुना
अब देखा तो जाना
जाना न चाहो पर जाना कभी है
जो जियो अभी तुम तो समझो की जिया
जो शिकन है अभी, तो शिकन हि जाना साथ सही है
पता था मुझे वो जायेंगी अभी, अब
न पता यह है की में जाऊंगा कभी कब
जब हमेशा तुम्हे यहाँ रहना नहीं है
जो शिकन है अभी, तो शिकन हि जाना साथ सही है
क्या दिया अभी तब ?
क्या किया अभी तक?
जो शांत हि तुम चली जातीं
मुझे अभी ये बातें चाहे भाती नहीं हैं
पर त्योरियां हटाने से शिकन यूँ जाती नहीं है

मुझे ख़ुशी है इसकी
की यहाँ वो नहीं
वो तो शायद उनके साथ जा चुकी है|

give me some "time"

Kill me for the reason I don’t know how to live
Kill me for the reason in so close to u
Kill me for the reason I know how to predict
Kill me for the reason I know what u want
And kill me for the reason u lie a lot
And the reason I luk ok
I talk gud when im not

But r u ready to take blood in ur hands
R u ready to take that stand
R u ready for the killing spree, of all 5 me
R u ready to set me free?

Many have just left me like this
To suffer and then die pale
They choose for me a death so painful
They took care of every detail
And I survived not becoz
Of their inexperienced life in crime
I survived for they gave me one thing
Their time.

patterns in so called new things

One more new year

One more 1/1

One more broken resolution

One more thing, undone

One more fight

Again the careless attitude

One more chance to scream loud

One more thing to think about

These patterns they are killing me

The pattern of day and night

I know when it will rain

I know the patterns of death and life

So what’s new?

For the pattern of summer and winter is known to me

The patterns of hate and love

The patterns of new faces, I can figure out

Patterns present in love and lust

Patterns and calculations of Brownian motion  

Patterns in random unorganized particles of dust

Rotten experiences

The unpredictability of life is itself predictable

Life is unknown, claimed to be known by a few

But surely isn’t new

Death, unknown, now new

Relationship status, unknown, not new

This year though unknown but not new

So what's new?

The random patterns of new things

 Aren’t unknown for sure                                                                        

So what’s left?

So what’s new?

Places? Formed by the pseudo unpredictability of earth’s crust

People? Formed by highly predictable, FUCK exchange

nature? The forming force of predictability

and the principle? It’s on how the strings arrange  (heisenberg uncertainty principle and the string theory)

New things I suppose are yet to be defined

Newness contradicts itself

and this now is tough one resist

That “new” doesn’t exist

soul sold

Do I look scary without my soul?
I gave it away in return of some nicotine
I gave it away for alcohol
never belonged to me
no right answer
I was too blind to see
I was always dying
I was fucked up for 22 years with this traitor inside me
It always helped my Enemies
Never letting me free
I used to feel it at night
Craving for nicotine and alcohol like me
I used to give the it none
Ha ha ha :) nicotine is purer and expensive
And was better for the services I got in return
To burn it would have been my last wish
It wanted to see it black and high in smokes
I would have loved to see it melt
I would have loved to dance in the rain of molten soul
Then I realized the matter is grave, and I gave it instead
So it finally helped me
It helped my finally to sleep, get high and get to bed
Now I feel light With this void
And I want to feel even lighter
Thinking of letting go my heart, my veins
Im thinking of letting go my skin
Letting go everything till my nicotenious blood remains
Because I can’t die now
I got no soul
And no matter what I do
For its colour maybe a little shy
That black thing will remain here
I know souls never die.

learn from lives people

Everyday when I get up and see
I don’t feel the way I shoud about the lives arnd me
They will walk and learn with the same ways
For centuries to come
They don’t get what a person thinks when he dies
They don’t get what he worked for his entire life
They don’t get why he was born and why you are here too
They don’t get what they are supposed to.
That’s why I admire you
For we care about gandhis living
We care about the how nations are building
We care for a track in 250gb disk
Because we care for life and simultaneously for risks
Humans never worked for abstraction
They never care for building a life inherited from other
Everybody wants to party but nobdy wants to host
Nobdy cared for the knowledge of lives, imp and lost
I admire you because
we have shared moments
we have shared closeness
we shared all we got
but the unique thinking was never shared
that’s why we were together and fight a lot
//here both abstraction and inheritance are used with respect to computer terminology
//reffer wo wikipedia for more information

void Care(){return NULL;}

aint it right?

who gave some1 this right to give me life

Struggling at every step

gaining pain to feel alive

striving to take air in,

why some 1 gave me this life?

 

I'm no happy no more,

and i hate to be so

can’t a sad 1 be alive?

why every 1 keeps yelling,

forcing me to buy a life?

 

its better to be dead than to be dying

its better to be SAD than to be alive

why cant i decide when to live and when to cry?

why this world gives me reason to be free?

and than asks me to try until I'm exhausted.

until the reason to try,

is to keep trying until I Die

who gave some1 this right to give me life

when I don't want to be alive?

stains of pain

I love you

And I need it back

As u know it’s a scarce commodity

So I might kill you for that

Don’t worry it won’t pain

As I will take all of it

And you look great with little fear in your eyes

So let it remain

I will take your blood

Your death would be plain

Your blood won’t be wasted

As clots will take life mine

Thin line between intense love and hate

I will define

Your blood will give me warmth

And will remain inside me

I could not live but I will die

With your sign

Stains of pain still red

Ones I colored them with my blood

I wanted death

But hell I got as result

still no frnds

Skin puffed by the vapors of blood
I’m loosing heat
As my temperature is rising
And I can’t do any thing except to see them condense
On low lying mud

I tried to control it
But whatever I do changes state
Its because of the sins I committed
Or just the eights fate

Choked by the vapors, relation, rules
My soul will get over it?
In case I die

Confused to the deepest core
The environment around me
Real or really fake?
Am I unconscious or just the oxygen’s declining rate?
Whatever I fell, still I cannot sleep
I got to stay awake

ABOUT ME

I think the world hates me

But only few of them actually do including me

The membrane to hate around me forces me to hear and breathe the same

Pain addictions and me are the ones to blame

I don’t see love anymore anywhere

It might be presentPublish Post

Something inside me compels me to be aware

Human nature is on decline inside me

And this what you see is only a programmed interface that I wear

I wanna live

And I want this ‘I’ to be me

ONLY ME

cavity inside me

A cavity inside me growing
with the thrust of pain and disgust
trying to wash it away with raining pains
As I spend time with my friend
Painful rains

I need someone right now
come share my pains
cry when I do
To cover the blue blood and the leftovers that remains

Lightning
lights in the dark sky
It heats my blood to boil
Passes it the energy to flow
Power to face the viscous air
and they give my skin light to glow
I control the lightning
And although it is beautiful you see
Using them I destroy anything I hate
and the hate around me

Time stops for no one
So skies begin to clear
Blue blood appears, and the black beauty diminishes
I feel like crying
Just to call you, my friend again
The rain

painful addiction

Love, I’m addicted to it
Still getting none
I crave for it and love everyone to get the same back
But suffering is what I get in return

Strange thing it is to get addicted to pain
But that’s what I’m comprised of
It outlines my life, limits it
Flowing in my veins

My life this thing drives
Being addicted to smokes
Is what makes me survives
It’s the only thing which loves and relieves my pain
Turning into ashes
And never complains

Maybe also addicted to her eyes
They give me pain
Sufferings
Feeling of guilt
And a reason to survive

in love.......................again!!!!

“Still waiting for you”
I used to say
Even when I never meant it
To make you realize I still stay

I wanted you to feel what I felt
the Guilt of atrocious crime
the Fear of unknown
the Pain I used to feel
And others, to you still not known

Suffocated I was
And wanted you to be killed by same
I wanted you to crave for fresh air whose sign on my nature still remain

My life was filled with smokes and alcohol
Quantities I never cared about
They helped me or the feelings against me ?
Is the question still in doubt

Now that I’m in love again
What to stay to her question still remains
This time my feelings not loosely held
Because of the suffocation I felt

Afraid of the past and now of future
Somebody please help
I don’t want to loose my life evolved from crap
And now I think back on the track

addictive killing smokes

Standing by your friend
And sharing is taught
I took it otherwise and shared the smoke

Small white sleek stick
Cannot be of much harm
Can it disturb my life?
So calm
Whatever it may be no one is to blame
Its my own life and its responsibility I claim
So just for the sheer taste

I took it in haste

The experience was the worst of all kind
I choked... and explained it as first time
That was the death's trick of showing the way
And I was following my friend right away

To show him I’m not weak
I puffed once more
Trying to feel, the feel all adore

(after a month)

Still addiction no where to be seen
I started to smoke on whatever day that had been
Tension was the excuse sometimes
othertimes that was any that rhymes

(a month to die )

Smoke's slave soon I became
Although I knew it
I smoked once more to push the fucking thoughts away

Smoke preferred over smoke is an idea insane
But now to live without it is to die
So let it remain

infinite!

Struggle to live
Struggle for life
Toil for money

Strangled in the infinite threads of struggle
Bear the pain for more
Life isn’t the way
Death is not either, they say

Exhausted by the struggle to survive
Monstrous pain makes it bitter
No better than the hell, my life
Then also to live, I choose
Because to die for only this is a lame excuse

It would be the same after death
But the game would be lost
And losing isn’t my style
I’m a Libran after all!

i cannot share the pain

Killing him was not so fine!
as He was a good frnd of mine
but I could not see him suffer
and killing him made me a bit tougher

I don’t like to share pain
And that’s how "killings" I explain
Many more I have to kill
Therefore living still
as Many are more still alive
who are Living a miserable life

One more reason on which killing is based
Is the blood’s taste
for it a life is worth to waste
They call me a killer But I cannot see the pain
After I cut his hand to taste the refreshing bloody rain
Therefore I killed him

Can you now feel the pain in your head?
By the time I will die you too will be dead
as your life too is in pain
Since you are my frnd I am killing you without any gain

i think i really wanna die but why?

beh raha hai lahu

ye dard mein kaise sahun

kuch karne ka man karat hai

aaj marne ka man karta hai

sab hai yahan

rote hansete gate

aate jate

yehi to hai locha

kyon hain wo hain yahan kya kisi ne socha?

yeh duniya hai choti

par hai bahut khoti

soch ke "kya khona kya pana"

faltu mein khilkihlana

muzhe hai kuch pana

jita nahi hun sirf khane ke liye khana

par yeh uska julm hai ke ab muzhe hai jana

agar yeh hai pana to khona kya hai

yeh soch kar rona kya hai

pyar mein dhoka

zindagi hai khali khoka

aap batao ab kya karun

ab jiyun ya marun

kisi aur se ya apne aap se hi jarun

raton ko sota nahi

darta hun par khota nahi

kabhi kisi ke samne rota nahi

kyon mein sota nahi

yeh bozh muzhe se saha nahi jata

ji to raha hun par raha nahi jata

khun to har mein hai behta

kitne nason ke bhandan hai wo sehta

kyon na kabhi aaye wo sath mein thora wakt bitayen

aur phir is duniya se jayen

pata nahi kyun the aaye

aur pata nahi kyun jaye

pata nahi pata kya hai

kyun jaye tumhare liye hum hamari khata kya hai?

mila tha tumse kabhi

kehten hain sabhi

mere sapnon mein to roz aati ho tum

ab to herdum sona hai

tumhein kya pana kya khona hai

kabhi to aaogi wahan par tum bhi

pyar karne walon ka wahi ek thikana hai

i wanna die

(this is a bit serious 1 and i think it represents me rit now )

i wanna die
say to this world b bye
jivan ka har pal kehta hai
pata nahi ye khun kyon behta hai?
kab tak rahoonga ye sab kuch sehta

aaj jine ka man nahi hai karta
sab hi kyon mein kyon nahi marta
apne aap se kab tak rehoonga mein yun darta
aishta se kabhi maut aaye
gheri neend mein muzhe sulaae
marne ka entzar karta hun
shayaad apne aap se zada baki sab se darat hun

sab kehte hain tum ho gaye ho pagal
agar apne time se jagta aur sota hun
pata nahi mein kya khota hun?
meri har baat lagti hai sab ko buri ab
yeh kehtein hain sab

apas mein pyar nahi hai
aur dusron ki baat karte hain
roz muzhe chor kar pata nahi kitne log marte hain?
kabhi lagta ye pyar nahi dikhawa hai
kya zindagi ek behkava hai?
parai par aakar sab kuch kyon hai atakta?
es bari si duniyan mein mein hun bhatakta

apne raste chunna galat to nahi
ab tak lagta tha muzhe yehi

abkya pata mein kahan jaunga?
aur apni ghatiya zindgi mein kya paunga
jine ki eccha to nahi hai par jina parta hai
marne ke bad sharir sabka akarta hai
tab to apne hisab se sounga
aaj akela rota hun
kal sab ko rulaunga

kya iit hi hai ultimate aim?
pata nahi kaun khelraha hai ye game
sab kehte hain janvar hn mein jungle ka
ya vasi hun mangal ka

mein akela baith kar raha tha ro
aur party karne gaye the sab wo
iit nahi karne ka sbkuch hai asar
abhi nikal lo bachi hui kasar

thore din bad to mar jaunga
shayad jalunga ya sar jaunga

actually i wanna die
abd say to this fkin world b bye